best week in a long time

So this last week I went home for thanksgiving and it was the best week I have had in a long time. Of  course seeing my family was awesome but I got to hang out with my ex. I was really unsure how it was going to go but it was surprisingly amazing. I'm starting to think he might feel the same way as I feel about him. When he kissed he said god i missed this which I think might be a sign of something good then we just held each other it felt nice to be with him again. Later we went to his brothers house and he held my hand the whole time this has to be more than just a friends thing right? I only wish I knew what he was thinking boys are so confusing! But he told me we would see each other during Christmas break which is in two weeks so I guess we will see what happens :) but for now I'm just going on wishful thinking oh and for that other guy that's super creepy I think hes getting a hint but if not he will soon ;)

what is love?

Have you have had someone that you just can't seem to forget no matter what? Well I'm joing your club I finally know what it feels like. It's like once you taste perfection (in your eyes) theres just no one that can even come close to that. Everyone else will only be second best and you will never give yourself to another person like you did with the one that you will never forget. You spend your day's thinking about that person (which is annoying at times) and feel so empty that you don't think you will ever be whole again. It's that one person that you will always be able to forgive no matter what they do. Is this love? I don't really now what I'm feeling all I know is that one person is the only one that can make everything ok. The only problem is that person hasn't talked to me for 2 months. I have never felt this way before and I don't even know what to do I'm so lost. Oh and by the way if your wondering if I'm going to tell you who it is I'm not I like to keep people guessing so you can guess all you want but its probably not the person your thinking it is. Well this was a little more deep than most of my posts but I had to get it out. Everything will get better in time right?

WTF bro?!

Its amazing how bad someone can make you feel by just sending you a text. This new guy I met lets call him Jim is one of those guys that has to make you feel bad to make himself feel good. He seems like a controlling person that wants you to be the way he wants you to be and wants you to change for him. Well I'm not a girl that's going to take shit like that and I'm sure as hell not going to change myself I'm perfect the way I am. Hes also the obsessed kind that talks about kids and getting married well news flash dude I don't even know if that's something I want sure as hell not anytime soon for that fact! To tell you the truth I don't even know what I want for dinner let alone anything else. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and find myself I cant plan for anything at the moment. Oh and last night he told me he loved me WTF??!!! I just met this guy maybe two weeks ago and then he asked me if I loved him HELL NO I don't love you I don't even know you that well. Well I just have 5 more weeks left in this term and I think its time that I seriously think about a location change.

oh Carlos...

So it's FB official that Carlos is back with that one girl that he was with when he was texting me a few months ago. Tisk tisk I guess that boy will never learn I mean she has proven herself untrustworthy once ( around prom) but now that hes in Montana and shes in California it makes it better right? Well whatever floats his boat I guess but here's my prediction it wont last long. That's just me being logical due to the distance and the experience of dating the same person twice it never really works out. If you look at her (no offence of course) but she doesn't look like the faithful kind if you know what I mean. She had to beg for Carlos back after she hooked up with another guy when they had a thing ( herd this convo in government that's what happens when you don't keep your mouth shut about stuff like that) so therefor I don't see a happy ending for them but I could be wrong I mean I want the best for him of course and I don't think its her. Now don't think that I'm all negative about this cause I want him cause I'm over that yes there was an attraction between us but I cant date a guy that cant keep his mouth shut when he has a few. I mean I would be better than her not only cause of my looks but cause I'm not a hoe ( just sayin)  and can keep a relationship (if the guys not an idiot) but I guess we will see what happens there and if he gets lonely and texts me again cause he found out the truth about his "gf" but for now I have other things to think about like that new guy ;)

The hardest good bye

Today I text my ex to see when he was leaving so we could hangout one last time and say good bye. He told me he was leaving in 30 minutes. I thought he would of told me sooner but I guess not. I didn't think it would feel like this when he left but it.. hurt. I really do miss him but he told me he would see me over thanksgiving break and told me we can skype but thanksgiving is two months away and it feels like its longer and I feel like skype isn't enough. But it will have to do. Maybe the fact that the good bye was over a text made it harder for me maybe in person he though it would be harder for him. Either way its not easy after three years of knowing each other and being so close. I just hope nothing changes and he keeps his promise to keep in touch. Well all I know for now is that I miss him. Well life is full of good byes and all we can do is keep breathing. So that's what ill do and see what happens...

Super confused

So if you remember Carlos moved for college. Well he still texts me all the time and whenever I get on facebook he has to IM me right when I get on. Weird right? well idk what his deal is I thought when he moved away he wouldn't talk to me anymore but I guess I was wrong. He still flirts with me but here's a juicy detail that I recently found out. He had/ has (not totally sure) a girlfriend when he was texting me one of my girls told me that a few weeks ago. Which I have no idea why he would be texting me when he was dating another girl but I'm kinda thinking there might be more to our what I thought was innocent flirting. Most guys wouldn't keep it up for this long would they? Its been 3 years and whenever he breaks up with a girl he comes back to me. I just don't get it! I wish guys just told us girls what was on their mind sometimes I mean the stuff besides sex. Its not like I would mind if Carlos had feelings for me even though hes so far away he will be back for breaks and summer but who knows what that boy is thinking. I guess ill just go with it and see what happens until then I shall stay super confused.

Done

Ok so if you read my last post you can understand that I'm fed up with guys. I feel like they think they can do what they want to me but here's a news flash they CAN'T! I'm glad I'm moving to a new city soon so I can make a fresh start. I think I'm ready for a relationship finally. Its been over a year and well its time to find a good guy that will care about me cause I sure as hell know that Paul and Stephan never did. My ex on the other hand I have no clue what his caring level is but its not enough. And for Carlos he still texts me a lot so I have no idea what his deal is but hes in Montana so ill never know or pursue anything so far away. I haven't felt this way in a long time but I want to be a relationship with someone who will be there for me not just for the moment or just for a hook up. But you know what sucks is that I actually kinda liked those guys and all they liked was my body. So I'm done,done with hanging out with jerks, done with letting them make me feel like they care, I'm just done. Here's to a new life, new city,new guys. Oh and I met one that lives right around the corner from where ill be living and he seems like a good guy plus hes cute ill keep you updated :)